My child can do it with me… so why can’t they do it alone?

“But they can do it when I sit with them.” It’s something I hear quite often from parents.

You sit down with your child to help with their maths homework. They’re stuck, so you read the question together. You ask them what they remember. Maybe you give them a little prompt or remind them of something they did in class. And suddenly, they can do it. They might even go on to get the next few questions right.

So why is it that the following day, when they sit down to work independently, they seem to be stuck all over again? It can be incredibly frustrating for both you and your child. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t understand the maths. Sometimes, the difficulty is knowing what to do without someone there to guide them.

Knowing how to do something isn't always the same as knowing when to use it

This is something that can be easy to miss. A child might know how to use a particular method. They might be able to follow the steps perfectly when someone gets them started. But give them a question on their own, and they don't know where to begin. Perhaps the question is worded differently. Perhaps there are several pieces of information to consider. Perhaps they aren't sure which method they should use. Or perhaps they simply need that reassurance of someone saying, “Yes, you're on the right track.”

This is why I don't think getting a question right always tells us as much as we think it does. Sometimes, how a child arrived at the answer tells us much more.

So what happens when we constantly help?

There's nothing wrong with helping your child. In fact, sitting with them, talking things through and asking questions can be incredibly useful. But if they always have someone there to tell them where to start, remind them of the method or check that they're doing it correctly, they don't always get the opportunity to develop those skills for themselves.

They can become very good at doing maths with help. But independent maths is a different skill. Eventually, we want a child to be able to look at a question and think:

-What is this asking me to do?

-What do I already know?

-Have I seen something like this before?

-Where should I start?

-What could I try next?

That doesn't happen overnight. It develops through understanding, practice and gradually giving a child the space to think for themselves.

Sometimes the problem isn't the maths

This is why I think it's so important to look beyond the questions a child is getting wrong. If a child is struggling, we could simply give them more questions to practise. But what if the real issue is something else? What if they have a small gap in a previous topic? What if they don't recognise which method to use? What if they understand the maths but lack confidence in starting a question independently? What if they've become so used to being shown what to do that they haven't had enough opportunities to work it out themselves?

These are very different problems, and they need different solutions. Giving a child another twenty questions isn't necessarily going to solve them.

The aim isn't to make a child need more help

For me, the ultimate goal of maths support isn't for a child to become dependent on somebody sitting beside them. It's the opposite. It's about helping them understand what they know, what they don't know and what they need to work on next. It's about giving them the right amount of support, and then gradually allowing them to take more responsibility for their own learning. Because eventually, we want that moment when they sit down with a question without you beside them and think: “Okay. I know where to start.”

They might still make mistakes, get stuck or need help sometimes. That's completely normal. Independence doesn't mean never needing help. It means becoming increasingly confident in knowing how to help yourself. And sometimes, that's the missing piece.

Not more maths, more worksheets. Not necessarily more hours sitting at a desk.

Just a clearer understanding of where the gaps are, what needs to happen next, and how to gradually get a child to the point where they can do more for themselves.